Joy and Purpose: Rediscovering Happiness Beyond Obligation

For most of my life, joy and purpose felt tethered to obligation. My passions took a backseat to responsibilities, my dreams were overshadowed by the needs of others, and my happiness was measured by how much I could give. But as I’ve worked to untangle myself from the roles that once defined me, I’ve begun asking a question I never dared to before: What does it mean to live for myself?

This journey has been anything but straightforward. Rediscovering joy and building a life rooted in my happiness—not obligation—has required confronting my patterns, questioning my beliefs, and stepping into the unknown. It has been a process of peeling back the layers of who I thought I had to be to uncover the essence of who I truly am.

The Burden of Obligation

For many years, my sense of purpose was intertwined with obligation. Whether it was nurturing my family, solving crises, or helping others navigate their grief, my role revolved around serving. This sense of duty brought moments of fulfillment, but it came at a cost—it overshadowed my desires, my passions, and my individuality.

Living for others wasn’t just something I did—it was something I believed was necessary. From an early age, I internalized the idea that my value was tied to how much I could give. This belief, rooted in familial expectations and societal norms, left little room for joy that wasn’t tied to obligation. As I’ve shared before, even the idea of stepping back from these roles felt selfish—a betrayal of the identity I’d spent years cultivating.

But while obligation can provide a sense of purpose, it often traps us in patterns that leave us disconnected from ourselves. For me, it wasn’t until I began setting boundaries and stepping away from these roles that I realized how little joy I had experienced in my own right.

Confronting the Void

The first step in rediscovering joy and purpose was confronting the void that obligation had left behind. When I no longer defined myself by what I did for others, I was forced to ask: What brings me joy? What ignites my passions?

At first, these questions were paralyzing. I didn’t have answers—I didn’t know what I wanted or who I was outside of the roles I had played. Joy felt elusive, and purpose seemed like a distant concept. For years, my happiness had been tied to external validation—to meeting expectations, solving problems, and being the person others needed me to be. Rediscovering happiness meant unlearning these patterns and relearning how to listen to my own desires.

Unlearning Patterns and Finding Joy

Unlearning the belief that happiness must be earned has been one of the most challenging aspects of this journey. It required questioning the narratives I’d carried for decades—the idea that joy was selfish, that passions were indulgent, and that purpose was synonymous with obligation.

Through introspection and deep inner work, I began to untangle these beliefs. Practices like shadow work, journaling, and mindfulness helped me uncover the ways I had suppressed my desires. They allowed me to see the value in pursuing joy for its own sake, rather than as a reward for meeting obligations.

Dr. Brené Brown describes joy as one of the most vulnerable emotions we can experience. For those of us who’ve lived in survival mode, joy can feel frightening—like it’s too fleeting or fragile to trust. This insight resonated deeply with me. I realized that rediscovering joy wasn’t just about finding happiness; it was about learning to trust it, to sit with it, and to embrace it without fear.

Discovering Passion and Purpose

As I began to explore what brought me joy, I also started asking what gave me purpose. While obligation had defined my life for years, I realized that purpose didn’t have to be tied to duty—it could be rooted in passion, creativity, and connection.

For me, rediscovering purpose meant reconnecting with parts of myself I had long ignored. It meant exploring interests and hobbies that brought me alive. It meant embracing the idea that my purpose wasn’t just to serve others—it was to live fully, authentically, and unapologetically.

This process hasn’t been linear. There have been moments when I’ve questioned whether I’m “doing enough,” when the old narratives creep back in and try to convince me that joy is frivolous or that purpose must come at a cost. But each time I return to the question of what lights me up, I find clarity. Purpose isn’t about proving my worth—it’s about living in alignment with my soul.

Tangible Steps for Rediscovering Joy and Purpose

Rediscovering joy and purpose is a deeply personal journey, but there are practices that can help guide the process. These steps have been instrumental in my own growth, and I offer them as suggestions for anyone navigating this path:

Reflect on What Lights You Up: Take time to explore what brings you joy, even in small ways. What activities, places, or moments make you feel alive?
Unlearn Limiting Beliefs: Question the narratives that tell you joy is selfish or purpose is tied to obligation. Rewrite those stories with self-compassion.
Experiment with Passions: Try new hobbies, revisit old interests, or explore creative outlets. Give yourself permission to play and discover without pressure.
Build Small Routines of Joy: Incorporate moments of happiness into your daily life—a walk in nature, a favorite song, a cup of tea. Let these routines remind you that joy is accessible.
Connect with Others: Seek out communities or relationships that celebrate authenticity and growth. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can reignite your sense of purpose.
Listen to Your Inner Voice: Learn to trust what feels good and true to you. Tune out the noise of external expectations and follow what aligns with your heart.

Overcoming Fear of Joy

One of the greatest challenges in rediscovering joy is overcoming the fear that it will be taken away. This fear, often rooted in past experiences, can prevent us from fully embracing happiness. For me, it has been a process of learning to trust that joy doesn’t have to be fleeting—that it can be a steady presence, even in small ways.

Dr. Brené Brown speaks to this fear in her concept of “foreboding joy,” the tendency to brace for

disappointment even in moments of happiness. Overcoming this fear requires vulnerability—allowing ourselves to feel joy without trying to control or protect it. It means trusting that we deserve happiness, even when life feels uncertain.

Finding Balance Between Joy and Purpose

As I’ve worked to rebuild my life, I’ve discovered that joy and purpose are deeply intertwined. Joy ignites passion, and purpose gives that passion direction. Together, they create a life that feels fulfilling—not because it meets external expectations, but because it resonates with my soul.

Rediscovering joy and purpose has been about finding balance—honoring my happiness while still embracing the parts of myself that want to contribute and serve. It’s not about rejecting obligation entirely but about choosing where and how to invest my energy in ways that feel authentic.

Moving Forward

This journey isn’t complete. Rediscovering joy and purpose is an ongoing process—one that requires patience, curiosity, and self-compassion. But each step has brought me closer to living a life that feels aligned, intentional, and rooted in my happiness.

To anyone reading this, I offer the same invitation that has guided me: to question the narratives you’ve carried about joy and purpose, to rediscover what lights you up, and to build a life that celebrates who you are beyond obligation. You deserve a life that feels full—not because of what you do for others, but because of what you cultivate within yourself.